Welcome to the Sanctuary

This toolkit is your safe space. It is not about fixing relationships or yourself, but about slowing down, softening, and finding presence. Here you will learn gentle practices to navigate triggers, communicate with care, and reconnect when disconnection arises.

Take a moment right now. Notice your breath.

This work isn't about getting it right. It's about showing up. Being willing. Trying again.

What you'll find here:

• Tools for understanding your triggers

• Practices for pausing when you're activated

• Ways to repair after disconnection

• Grounding rituals that bring you back to your body

Understanding Triggers

Triggers are your body and nervous system responding to perceived threat, often rooted in past experiences. They're not weakness. They're protection. Reflect on what your triggers reveal about your needs and fears.

What triggers me most in relationships?

Examples: Being dismissed, feeling controlled, silence after conflict, raised voices, feeling like I'm too much, being told I'm not enough

When I'm triggered, what does my body do?

Notice: Does your chest tighten? Does your throat close? Do you freeze? Do you want to run? Does your heart race? Do you go numb?

What am I usually afraid will happen?

"They'll leave." "I'll be alone." "They'll see I'm not worth it." "I'll lose myself." "They'll hurt me."

What did I learn about closeness/conflict/vulnerability growing up?

"Conflict meant someone got hurt." "Love came with conditions." "Showing need meant being a burden." "People left when things got hard."

The Pause Practice

Pausing gives your nervous system permission to regulate. When you feel yourself getting activated, try one of these. Just one breath of space can change everything.

Micro-Pause (10 seconds)

Use this when you're in the middle of a conversation and feel yourself starting to spiral.

• Stop talking. Place one hand on your chest.

• Take one slow breath in through your nose. Hold for 3 counts.

• Breathe out slowly through your mouth.

• Notice: I'm here. I'm safe right now.

• Then continue.

Short Reset (2 minutes)

Use this when you need to step away but don't want to fully leave.

• Step into another room or outside.

• Name out loud: 3 things you can see, 3 things you can hear, 3 things you can physically feel (feet on ground, air on skin, shirt on body)

• Ask yourself: What do I actually need right now?

• Return when you're ready.

Deeper Grounding (5-10 minutes)

Use this when you're too activated to stay in the conversation.

• Say to your partner: "I need a few minutes. I'm not leaving, I'm just regulating. I'll be back."

• Go outside if you can. Feel your feet on the ground.

• Move your body: shake your hands, roll your shoulders, walk, stretch, dance.

• Let yourself feel whatever's there. Anger. Fear. Shame. Sadness. Don't try to fix it.

• When you feel more settled, return.

What changes when I pause?

The Curiosity Reframe

Curiosity invites connection where defensiveness closes it. When you notice yourself reacting, try shifting from judgment to wondering.

Instead of: "They're being difficult"
Try: "I wonder what they're protecting right now?"

Instead of: "I'm overreacting"
Try: "What is my body trying to tell me?"

Instead of: "This always happens"
Try: "What pattern am I noticing here? Where have I felt this before?"

Instead of: "They don't care"
Try: "What am I really needing right now that I'm not asking for?"

Next time I'm activated, what curious question could I ask myself?

The Trigger Map

Map out moments that activate you. Patterns become clearer when you write them down. Use this template when something hits hard.

What happened? (just the facts, no interpretation)

Example: "They checked their phone while I was talking" not "They ignored me"

What did I feel?

Hurt? Angry? Scared? Ashamed? Alone? Panicked?

Where did I feel it in my body?

Chest tight? Throat closed? Stomach dropped? Wanted to run? Went numb?

What old story showed up?

"I'm not important." "I'm too much." "People always leave." "I can't trust anyone." "Love isn't safe."

What did I actually need in that moment?

To be seen? To feel safe? To be reassured? To have space? To be heard?

Do this 3-5 times over the next few weeks. You'll start seeing your patterns. That's not failure. That's awareness.

The Repair Process

Repair is about returning to care, not perfection. You don't need the perfect words. You just need to come back.

The Three Steps:

1. Own It

Acknowledge your part without defending or explaining it away.

"I shut down when you brought that up." "I said something hurtful and I know it landed hard." "I walked away without saying I'd be back."

2. Name the Impact

Show you understand how it affected them.

"I can see that made you feel alone." "I imagine that didn't feel safe." "I know that hurt."

3. Reopen Connection

Invite them back in. Ask what they need.

"Can we try that again?" "What do you need from me right now?" "I'm here. I want to get this right with you."

One small repair I could practice this week:

Grounding Rituals

Ground through senses, movement, or breath. Find what brings you back to your body.

5-4-3-2-1
Name 5 things you see, 4 you hear, 3 you touch, 2 you smell, 1 you taste

Box Breathing
Breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4. Repeat 4 times.

Cold Water
Splash cold water on your face, hold ice in your hands, or drink cold water slowly

Movement
Shake your whole body for 30 seconds. Stretch. Walk outside. Dance alone in your room.

What helps me come back to my body?

The Sanctuary Notes

These are reminders for when you're in it and can't think straight. Add your own.

• Triggers aren't weakness. They're information.

• Pausing isn't running. It's regulating.

• Repair is possible. It's never too late.

• You're not broken. Your nervous system is just doing its job.

• Closeness can be safe. You're learning how.

• Your body knows what it needs. Listen to it.

• This is hard. You're doing it anyway. That matters.

What reminders do I need to hear?

Integration & Reflection

If you are single and doing this: You can highlight your needs going forward into a new relationship without apology. 

If you are a couple and doing this. Fill it out and swap it with your partner. Let them read your raw truth. Read theirs. Ask “How can I help” “What do you need now” “What am I already doing” 

Be willing and open to receive their responses. Remember the more raw, vulnerable and honest you are, the deeper your connection will be. 

Weekly Check-In Questions:

Create a time for yourself each week, or if you are doing this with a partner for each of you to sit down and go over how you have been feeling. Allow your partner to speak fully first before talking. This is extremely important. Do not shut your partner down mid sentence. Allowing your partner to finish will give you a better understanding of them. You may find your questions or concerns will be answered while they are explaining. And vice versa. 

What triggered me this week?

Did I pause? What happened when I did (or didn't)?

Did I practice curiosity instead of judgment?

Did I repair something? How did it go?

What's one thing I'm learning about myself?

What's one thing I'm learning about my partner?

May this sanctuary remind you that healing is not about perfection, but about presence.

Created by Corrina Snow and Clint Symonds – The Relationship Sanctuary

What's Next?

This toolkit gives you the practices. But practices only work when you understand why your nervous system does what it does, and how to co-regulate with your partner so you're not doing this alone.

If you're ready to go deeper, to understand how to create actual safety with each other, we've created something for you.

The Co-Regulation Course teaches you and your partner how to be in each other's nervous system safe space. How to stay present when they're activated. How to ground together. How to build the kind of relationship where triggers don't destroy connection because you know how to come back.

Learn more about The Co-Regulation Course

Coaching individually or as a couple will address your specific needs within the relationship and how you can find safety and connection. Coaching begins with a call with Corrina and/or Clint. We are available to work together or separately. Clint specializes in men’s work and trauma and nervous system support and Corrina in emotions and body awareness. We are both trauma-informed and work with you at your pace. Email info@therelationshipsanctuary.com to schedule a Free 20 min chat.